Sheila Sims Iding (“Gus”)
From my many writings about my hero…my dad…I think you already know how my father not only molded my life…he formed every fiber of my being with his life philosophy…his life lessons. I only got to have 27 years with him. Maybe God knew that his impact would be so powerful that 27 years would be enough. I would argue the “enough” part, as my heart has begged for one more day…one more year…one more decade…one (or two) more life milestones. But who argues with God? Still I was blessed with 27 years filled with hundreds…dare I say thousands…of life lessons. So on Father’s Day…to honor him…here are 27 simple life lessons with varying levels of importance in life but tremendous levels of love…this I have learned:
1. Your children are your greatest gift. You DO leave work and “to-do” lists on the back burner to be with your kids. Really BE with them. A game of catch has to be more important than one more insurance sales call.
2. Caring for your children’s mother and loving her for better…for worse…in sickness...in health…will be one of your greatest role model roles.
3. Hospitals with your child can be frightening. When your middle daughter is born with a heart defect and you have to wheel her to surgery at age 3…it is the longest walk of your life. (Especially when her little roommate died of the same surgery the day before.) He told me this was the most scared he ever was….(including fighting in WWII). His “hospital courage” helped me find my own.
4. You have to EARN your allowance. If he has to get you out of bed to redo the dishes that you did haphazardly, you lose more than sleep. You lose your allowance for the week.
5. Don’t Cheat Yourself. When you cheat at solitaire…you lose cards for a month. A whole month! Cheating yourself is still cheating. We don’t do cheating.
6. It’s all about effort. If you get a “B” on your report card and didn’t work hard for it…you have explaining to do. If you worked damn hard for that “C” in physics…you can be so proud. It is always about the effort.
7. Some days your best effort is enough…sometimes it’s not. If you walked 4 batters in the first inning and you are pulled before one out is recorded and that was the best you could do that day…walk off that mound with your head held high. It’s always about the effort…even on a softball diamond.
8. Swing the darn bat. Don’t take a called 3rd strike…ever. Even at nationals. Even with an amazing curve ball coming your way. When you take a called 3rd you lose all hope of getting a hit. Don’t lose hope for your at bat…for your team. It’s the same for the game of life, don’t let it just go by without taking a swing…or two…or three. Don’t lose hope.
9. Dance. When you have Wednesday night meetings to teach your daughter how to dance at her wedding, it may be harder than coaching. When he told me I was a better “bunter” than a dancer I took pride in that. A suicide squeeze and a sacrifice bunt are more important than a waltz…on most days.
10. Don’t show up an umpire. Don’t swear, don’t question, don’t waste energy pouting about a call. Although…I will say that one game in Flint…I WAS right and that umpire was wrong…and I was out of the game the minute I said that. Respect everything…everyone…even umpires who blow a call in Flint.
11. “Be prepared” isn’t just for Scouts. If practice is from 5:30 – 9:00 you better show up at 5:00 or don’t show up at all. You better come even earlier to games…and your spikes better be polished. Same for the game of life…be prepared and be “polished”.
12. Ya gotta want it. Run on and off the field every inning. No matter the score. No matter the error you made. No matter the heat of the day. Don’t walk, don’t jog…RUN. If you don’t…there is someone on the bench who will. Same for life…charge into each day…no matter what it brings.
13. Always hustle, play with pride. At some point…whatever you do in life…isn’t about ability. Everyone has some ability. The one thing you can always do better than anyone is hustle. Want it more. So…always hustle..and play with pride. (You can learn a lot of life lessons between those lines on a softball field.)
14. It’s okay to cry. There is no shame in tears. If you put your whole heart into a game, your whole heart can be broken. You can cry. Same for life. Allow yourself some tears. There is no shame in sentimental tears. There is no shame in the tears you have when you bury a pet. (Even though some “one” may try to pass it off as sweat on a hot day.) And there is no shame in tears when you sing MSU shadows.
15. Put your hand over your heart for the National Anthem. Stand tall, proud and with ultimate respect for “the land of the free and the home of the brave”. When your son returns home from China the first time…he helps you realize the power of those words. Someone somewhere fought damn hard for you to sing the words “land of the free” and that someone may be standing right next to you. Hand over heart. Tall. Proud.
16. Always have a pet and realize they are fully reliant on you. There is an awe to that responsibility…there is a caring life lesson tucked in each pet. And at the end of a long day of hunting, you can carry your three-legged hunting dog home. You can be your dog’s best friend too.
17. Hot dogs and Spaghetti O’s make a perfect Saturday lunch. Even if it is EVERY Saturday. However, pouring oil on a cooking sheet and baking chicken is not a good way to make “fried” chicken and may add to your kids’ risk of fighting weight problems later in life. “Fried” chicken from a cookie sheet is NOT good…especially EVERY Wednesday.
18. Having a set menu every day of the week makes for organized planning, grocery shopping and cooking. Pot Pies on Monday were my favorite. Pot roast EVERY Sunday was always special…the brussel sprouts that went with it…not so much. Even though now I crave a serving of brussel sprouts every now and then. With enough butter anything is good. (Another little lesson.)
19. You should have a family conference every Sunday evening to discuss family issues, family plans, family hopes, family dreams. And that is the only time your children can complain. The “save it for Sunday conference” is not a bad way to channel kids’ gripes and complaints. And it gives their voice an importance in the family…especially on Sunday.
20. A good, cold beer can do wonders after hot day of yard work, a long day on the job, a stressful Spartan game. And a couple of good, cold beers can be great after doubleheaders while you rehash every inning of the game. (Okay…every pitch of the game.) And if your youngest daughter never learns to like the taste of beer, you just hope she keeps trying to acquire that taste. (I’m still trying, dad.)
21. Playing hookie from school is sometimes okay. When your dad lets you take one day off of school every fall to go pheasant hunting with him it creates your most treasure childhood memory. Just you and your dad and two or three hunting dogs…AND a mute voice, tired legs and sympathetic heart (for the birds he kills) and that cherished forever memory of a day in a field with nature, some dogs and your dad (carrying "Peanut" home because her 3 legs got tired.)
22. Manners are not optional. You HAVE to say “please” every time you ask for something. You HAVE to say “thank you” every time someone gives you something. Every time. Not optional. The Care Corner Kids are champions of this. (They can “thank” my dad for that.)
23. Proud MSU Spartan alumni people bleed green. Really. Enough said.
24. Sunday morning church holds it’s own special memories. The sacrifice of driving 20 miles to get to St. Paul’s Episcopal church and carrying your wife up the steps and getting your daughters to choir on time…are worth it all. And when you process in with the choir and your dad winks at you as you pass by his pew…you feel like the most special little girl in the world.
25. There are good hair days and bad hair days. When your dad curls your hair on Saturday night for that Sunday morning church service, you think your hair looks beautiful. (I’ve seen pictures…it wasn’t.) And when he tapes your wet bangs down to cut them for school pictures, they are way shorter than you thought they would be…or should be. Not so pretty either.
26. It’s all in a name. When your dad only gets to see one grand child for 15 months…each moment…each picture is special. And when he begs you not to give that baby the middle name Jacques (pronounced Jakes) after him, he doesn’t really mean it. The first time he held him he called him “Jakers” and you knew then he was secretly lying about not using that name. And abundantly proud. And when your mom nicknames you “Gus” after the mouse in Cinderella, your dad will call you that the rest of your life. Especially on the softball field. (“Go get ‘em, Gus!" still echoes in my memory.)
27. Love life! Be happy each day and if you are not happy…pretend you are. Put a smile on your face and a skip in your step and pretend you are happy. You will make the people around you think you are happy. In fooling them…you may just fool yourself too.
The longer I live my life, the longer I realize how much…how very much…I learned from my dad. He gave me way more than green eyes, strong Canadian blood and a middle name for my oldest son. I have been blessed with a husband who is as amazing as my dad. I have been blessed with three sons who never knew their grandpa but seemed to have their papa’s life lessons tucked in their hearts from birth. I have been blessed with a dad who taught me life lessons as a teacher, a coach, a friend, a mother….and a father. On Father’s Day I reflect that you don’t get to pick your father…so when you have one who blesses your life the way my dad blessed mine…then you are truly and immensely blessed. This…I have learned.