Sheila Sims Iding
Ahhh…a child’s birthday becomes a special day…even before that child is born. Once you get a due date or an approximate due date, that date starts playing in your mind. And when that day of birth occurs, and they place that baby in your arms for the first time, still wet and messy and slippery from his first birthday suit arriving at his first birthday party, the celebration in a mother’s heart is never the same. That day…that BIRTHday is cemented in your heart past forever. So it was on a January 24 when that 10 pound, healthy baby boy came into the world becoming his own birth announcement.
And the date January 24 magically takes on new meaning and January 24 will never be the same again to that mom…that family.
So now January 24 would always be a celebration of this life that changes parents forever. It would always mean a party, a gift, a special dinner, a cake and probably a balloon. From now until forever…in a mother’s heart. January 24 would be his favorite food for dinner and his favorite flavor cake. That’s what birthdays are. That’s what mother’s do.
As she awoke on January 24, she knew. A mom knows even before the blur sleepiness is cleared…a mom knows the specialness of her son’s birthday. It would make the day busier than usual because like most busy moms there is last minute “to do’s” She had put off getting the balloon, the cake, the food. She had put off thinking about family gathering for birthdays. She had tried to put some things together but she had been unable to. She just couldn’t do it. It happens to a lot of crazy busy moms. What you intend to do, what you need to do often get in the way of actually doing them. But now it is January 24 and the day will be crazy with her putting everything off but not to worry. The older she got the more she knew not worry about such things. Life is too short.
Right after work she will get the birthday celebration stuff like she has all the years before. Her husband had always made the birthday dinner but this year it would be different. It would be his favorite fast food…what most collage kids prefer anyway. Since family was not gathering at their house this time, take out would be just fine. In fact the birthday boy would probably prefer it.
So she went through her work day and did what all mothers do. Everytime she writes the date, January 24…she goes back to that BIRTH day. She relives the memories of that sweet baby boy in her arms and the relief that he has safely arrived. She recalls the birthday parties that have come before in these past 20 years. The first one with THE cake and the mess it is predisposed to make. The one with the little kids that was so much fun even the neighbor’s hellion kid couldn’t wreck it…though he sure tried. The one where he got THAT gift that became his whole world and the shriek and happy dance as he opened it would have been a You Tube classic today. Just a flood of January 24th memories coming back as she writes the date each time at work, sees the date on her computer, notices the date on the top of the newspaper and hears the date on the radio. January 24, January 24, January 24.
As the work day ends she gathers the list in her mind. Birthday balloon, birthday take out dinner and cake…don’t forget the candles…she always forgets the candles. What’s a birthday cake without candles. The gift would be that khaki colored hoodie he liked and that new wii Madden game. But those didn’t matter right now. What matters was family gathering for a January 24th birthday and making the list a reality before meeting up with everyone. Don’t fret or worry. Life’s too short.
So the mad dash of a lot of moms on birthday days. To the store for the balloon…and the yearly problem of finding a fun balloon that is not too girly. Ahh…the star balloon and the same color ribbons she always get. Blue and gold. Blue and gold for his Haslett high school team. Blue and gold for his Flint travel hockey team. Blue and gold for University of Michigan his favorite team from many birthdays before. The cake would be easy since he doesn’t really like cake or frosting but birthdays should have a cake so she grabs the chocolate cupcake with the white frosting. He never liked frosting so she will do what mom’s do…she will help eat the frosting for him. And…whala…she grabs the candles. She remembered. One quick stop for dinner would be easy…his favorite Taco Bell. Now she is armed and ready to meet the family and she knows they won’t mind if she is a few minutes late. They had offered to help but this time…this one time..she needed to do it all on her own. She wasn’t going to be hassled by it. Life’s too short.
As she arrived at the celebration she questions the idea of having a party outside on January 24 but she is a hockey mom and they are a hockey family so a little cold has nothing on them. A little cold weather has never wrecked a celebration…in fact…for a hockey family…many times it has enhanced the celebration. As she pulls up to the party she notices the snow is a bit more sparkly than usual. Maybe God wanted to add some decoration to the party. The sun is warm but the air is colder than she thought. The day is colder than she thought. The family was all there. She knew they would be but even standing in the cold, she knew they wouldn’t be bothered with her mother busyness and her party tardiness. She earned a free pass this year. She grabbed the balloon as the blue and gold ribbons and that star fought with the light breeze. She grabbed the Taco Bell and that cupcake and the candles and took a deep breath as she walked toward the party.
As the family gathered there, they held hands and sang Happy Birthday. Singing happy birthday as a family is usually a mess of voices and tempos and ranges that never quite blend together but sound beautiful all the same. This “happy birthday” was quiet…it was almost prayer like…even in the vast outdoors. And it turns out on this January 24th, that would be the extent of the party. The Happy Birthday song was the gift this year. As the mother looked down there was that date again January 24, 1989. She could barely see it through the stream of tears that tried to warm her cold face. It was the date she had celebrated for 20 years now. But it was the date next to the birthday that no mother should have to see. August 2, 2008. That was the date that broke her heart, broke her life…shattered her world. August 2, 2008 had stolen the celebration of January 24 forever. Sure there is the symbolic dinner, the cupcake and the balloon. But there are no Andy gifts, no Andy birthday hugs and no Andy pictures blowing out the candle. No Andy. They are gone forever.
She put the bag of Taco Bell down in the snow and took a lick of some of that frosting before candle-ing the cupcake that she placed safely by his birthday dinner. Then she took the balloon and tied it carefully…tied it lovingly…to the angel statue that watches over her beloved birthday boy.
The family softly prayed for Andy hoping heaven had Taco Bell and a clean sheet of hockey ice for his birthday. Knowing Andy was safely home they prayed “until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of His hand.” As they left walking through tears more cumbersome than the deep snow; the mom lingered a bit…weary and broken and shattered. She softly whispered…”Happy 20th Birthday, Andy. I miss you still. I love you more. “
Through a mother’s tears she mumbled…Life is too short.
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SPECIAL NOTE:
For our portfolio, we had to supply the rough draft(s) for our writings. This writing didn’t have a rough draft so I offered this explanation instead:
ROUGH DRAFT
I wanted to do a writing with imagery. There really was no rough draft for this writing. This writing was for my sister, Andy’s mom, and it poured out of my heart. I think the rough draft had been dormant there for a while and it came to life. I have a “date” with Andy every Thursday. I take him flowers and clean up his spot at the cemetery. It’s not really for Andy. It’s for my sister who stops by every Friday. I want it to look nice when she gets there. Sometimes I shovel the snow for a path for her. Sometimes I pick weeds or tend to the flowers already there. Sometimes I rearrange the ribbon she ties on the angel there. The ribbon has a bunch of “I love you’s” on it and I turn it so they show. Sometimes I just clean off his stone…you know…where the birds have “decorated” it. I sometimes smile at that. Andy was a great kid with a shit-eatin’ grin. So I think he smiles at me when I clean the bird poop off. Every time I pull up to the spot where Andy is and get out of the car, I can’t imagine how painful that walk is for a mom. It’s hard enough for an auntie. Sometimes I walk away comforted that he is safely home. Sometimes I cry so hard I can’t breathe. I can’t imagine my sister’s walk.
The Lord bless you and keep you, Andy. Be sure to watch over your mom and your dad and Mikes. (And your Red Sox.) Miss you lots…love you more. Happy Birthday, Drewbs! Wishing still for one more day with you.