Sheila Sims Iding
There have been a lot of newborn babies in my world lately. My work world, my friend world, my fb world. Lots of new babies. And in a perfect world these babies are born…well…perfect. A perfect baby…just as it should be…a miracle that is not given nearly the just awe it deserves. A perfect baby is almost so routine that we forget about the miracle part.
They aren’t supposed to be born too early (because a scheduled cesarean was miscalculated). They aren’t supposed to be born with an immune deficiency, an incurable disease or a neurological syndrome. And they sure as hell aren’t supposed to be born with all four. But on May 14, 1982 that is exactly what happened. Thirty years ago today Timothy Patrick Iding came into the world with so many imperfections, he, himself, became the perfect life lesson.
Actually, today wasn’t even supposed to be. When he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis the doctor told us his life expectancy was only 15. He wouldn’t go to high school, he’d never go to college. He was born with CF. He will die from it. The doctor actually said those words. Not sure why it had to be that harsh…but maybe when a doctor is telling you of your child’s incurable illness it doesn’t really matter. There are some words that even a good sugar coating can’t change.
So today Tim is 30 years strong with a life expectancy of forever. I don’t care what some CF doctors or the CF website or the CF brochure says anymore. Tim is going to live forever (and so is Joey.). Their CF doctor said so and I believe him. Which is good news for those of us who have learned so much from his 30 years of life. He has a lot more teaching to do. So, today, as we celebrate his 30 years of life, I celebrate 30 life lessons he has taught me along the way:
1. The first one came before he was even born. I learned that when your dad dies suddenly when you are 5 months pregnant with this baby that it stings a little more...a lot more. And a funeral on a January 7th winter day is a little colder…even if you can still button up that coat over that waiting baby.
2. I learned that when God gives that newborn baby your dad’s green eyes it helps take the sting away…a bit.
3. I learned that sometimes even scheduled cesareans can be calculated wrong and when a baby is born too early, they don’t even know how to eat. That’s a problem.
4. I learned that when they don’t eat they don’t gain weight and can’t get their immunizations on time. That can be scary.
5. I learned when you call a pediatrician complaining that your newborn baby sleeps too much and won’t eat, the doctor thinks you are crazy. They are used to the “cries too much” and “eats too often” calls.
6. I learned that a skinny little baby with no hair and temporary birth marks on his face can look amazingly beautiful…especially when dressed in yellow.
7. I learned that a little baby with constant infections, and fevers and medicines can keep you awake at night…even when he’s sound asleep. If the care doesn’t keep you up…the worry does.
8. I learned when your baby gets ear tubes at 9 months old, he seems too little…and it seems kind of serious. Little did I know that was the least of our worries.
9. I learned that when they push that crib away for surgery after your tearful hug that the baby shouldn’t be sitting up because they tip over when they start moving the crib. (Yes…it made me giggle a little. I think it was a God perk.)
10. I learned that when the doctors send your son’s blood to Boston Children’s Hospital for testing that you’re not in Kansas anymore and you are in for quite a storm.
11. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about IgG4 Immune Defiency and the horrible painful injections needed to generate “efficiency”.
12. I learned that when the nurses are giving your son those painful injections, three at time every month, that you shouldn’t be the one to hold him down. When you pin him to the table so he won’t move and he looks at you and through tears asks “Why won’t you help me?”, then it’s time to let the nurses do the dirty work. From then on I held his little hands and they held his little body.
13. I learned that waiting for the hair to grow is worth the wait when it produces the darkest and curliest hair….ever…and still.
14. I learned that when you are a late walker and you crawl on the hot sidewalk in the summer and scoot along really fast so your knees don’t burned…that you will get the nickname “Scooter”
15. I learned that when you are lying there sick and watching Sesame Street for hours on end that it is n’t all for naught. When we hung up his Birthday poster at age 2…he knew every letter. Yes...age two! Every letter!
16. I learned that when you are three years old and pitch a fit in the shoe store because your mom is getting you sneakers and you want sandals….because those are the only shoes Jesus wore…there is something innate there.
17. I learned that when you are four years old and you are carrying the BIG white family Bible around and your mom offers you the Children’s Bible because it has pictures and you keep the BIG white Bible explaining: “Mommy…the words are the pictures.” That God had already planted a seed.
18. I learned that when you are five years old and people asked you what you want to be when you grow up and you say “I want to go to China or Texas and teach others about Jesus.” There is something prophetic about that.
19. I learned that when you are five years old and people ask you what you want to be when you grow up and you sometimes say “a pirate” that you are a fun, normal little guy.
20. I learned that sometimes when you are playing ball and you are way out in left field it’s okay to kneel in the grass and watch the bugs. Way out in left field is an okay place to be sometimes.
21. I learned that when you are in grade school and you sit by the fence crying because kids make fun of you…it’s not always exactly what it seems. When I would say to him “I don’t blame you for crying. My feelings would be hurt too.” And he answers…”Oh mom…I don’t cry for me. I cry for them. It must be awful to be so mean.” I learned about the high road that day.
22. I learned to be prepared and that when you are 8 and 9 and 10 and 11 and 12 …that you stay up to all hours of the night reading about the saints. And when your mom takes the books from your hands and turns out the light you plead “Mom…I will need to know all this for when I am a priest. I want to be a good priest.”
23. I learned that when you are in the hospital in February and have to go back in in April that fear consumes you but faith envelops you. I’ve learned the toughest conversations with a son are while sitting on his hospital bed. They are also the most cherished.
24. I learned that running cross country in the purest sport. I learned that by the second mile you know it’s going to be a horrible race that you don’t quit…you just try harder while the song “Take these broken wings…” plays in your head…and your heart.
25. I learned that when doctors tell you it’s not feasible to go away to college because it would be too hard to manage both Asperger’s and CF…that you don’t listen. I learned that the drive that day to Aquinas College seemed way longer than one hour and the drive home seemed like forever.
26. I learned that rooming alone so that your breathing treatments and coughing don’t bother a roommate is a huge mistake. Nobody should be alone their first year of college. That was a tough lesson to learn the hard way. I learned that phone calls in middle of the night created some conversations as tough as the hospital ones…and you feel honored that you were the one he chose to call.
27. I learned that finally living your dream of seminary and serving God can bring your happiest days ever…EVER! And having the dream taken away can bring your darkness ones. I learned that when they took everything away they couldn’t take his faith. It just got stronger...so did the call…so did he.
28. I learned that teaching hundreds of first graders about the saints is serving God in a very special way. It is it’s own mission.
And the late hours of reading saint books had a priestly purpose.
29. I learned that taking all your theology degrees, all your Catholic devotion, all your religious wisdom and all your Christian faith to China is serving God. If you can’t live your forever dream of being a priest, you can live your childhood hope of “going to China to teach others about Jesus.”
30. I learned that Timothy’s imperfections have been the perfect life lessons for me. He has taught me so much in his young life…so much more than I could write here. The one thing I haven’t learned and will never understand is how I was so blessed…so very blessed….to be his mom.
Happy Blessed birthday, Timothy. Thank you for all these life lessons and so many more. Thank you for working so hard to be healthy. Thank you for proving doctors wrong…counselors wrong…bishops wrong. Thank you for proving God right. You are so loved. God bless and God speed.