Sheila Sims Iding
It may take a village to raise a child. As a teacher, I believe in the powerful truth of that quote. But…truth is…it’s not only kids who need a village. My rearing into motherhood came from the love, support, care and mentoring of many people in my life. When I reflect on what brought me to motherhood, it wasn’t one person or incident or situation. So as we celebrate Mother’s Day I would like to thank the many people who blessed my life and became part of the village it takes to raise this mom.
First and foremost thanks to my dad. He was my mom. He curled my hair, made birthday treats for school, had the “women things” talk with me and bought me my first bra. (The one with the little pink bow I wanted so badly.) He knelt with me to say prayers every night and tucked me in with a ‘Pleasant dreams. Sleep tight. I’ll see you in the morning. God bless your little heart.” The same thing I said to my boys every night when tucking them in…after saying prayers on our knees. I would say there is a whole blog about how my dad was my mom but…truth is…there is a whole book. So suffice it to say for this writing…my dad was my mom.
Thanks to my mom who (you’ve heard this part before) taught me more lessons from that bed fighting her illness than most daughters are privileged to learn. In the 6 short years she actually got to be my mom…instead of an invalid…she taught me to put fun into each day. Spray the water a bit when rinsing pans, eat cinnamons when folding laundry and tell your kids that the white PF Flyers are really magical shoes that help you run faster. When mom was too sick, dad said our prayers with us but mom is the one who taught us the prayers. It’s the same prayer I taught my boys. Again a story for another blog. Each night when I prayed with my boys, it took me back to her…her words…her faith.
Thanks to Nanny. My grandmother. My mom’s mom. Who is another book waiting to be written. She had two daughters…my mom and Aunt Peggy. Aunt Peggy died when I was two from Huntington’s Disease. Then her other daughter, my mom, got Multiple Sclerosis. Her husband had emphysema and her life consisted of the guilt of Aunt Peggy’s death, the caring for her invalid daughter, the demands of a sick husband and three little girls moving in with her every single summer. Most grandmas are exhausted after a weekend visit. Nanny had us all summer. Her talents of sewing and writing and athletics were stifled by her generation and her fate. She taught me that a mother is truly the heart and soul of a family…especially one in crisis. And she taught me that whispering prayers to yourself is good therapy…and amazing faith. (Even when you think no one was listening….or watching…or learning.) She taught me that some mothers qualify for sainthood. She did.
Thanks to Grandma Martin…my dad’s mom. She lost her husband when her three sons were really young. She moved to America from Canada and began to piece her life together as beautifully as she pieced her quilts together. She taught me that being wrapped in a grandma-made quilt has almost as much comfort as being wrapped in the strength of mother’s love. She taught me about raising three sons in the face of adversity and whenever I thought our struggles were overwhelming I drew on her inspiration and the strong Canadian blood she shared with me…because God knew I would need it.
Thanks to my older sister, Suzy, who become my mom on some levels and, to this very day, remains my source of comfort, reassurance and advice…not necessarily in that order. When the boys were sick or in the hospital or recovering from something again…she became an extension of me and became mom to them for sporting events, car pools, band concerts and a game of catch in the back yard. It was her words…her wisdom…that changed my life as a mother of an Asperger child. When I was desperate for parenting answers she simply counseled, “Remember…he doesn’t wake up in the morning to wreck your day.” It changed my parenting forever on all levels. It even changed my teaching. I will always be extremely grateful that she is Joey’s greatest advisor, Tim’s kindred spirit and Adam’s best friend.
Thanks to my sister, Sharon, who is the one with the real maternal instinct. She always has been a caregiver. She was always striving to help me feel better. From being sacred at night as a kid to being terrified about life as a teenager to being devastated as young mom with sick kids. She was my caregiver. Like a mom…she was always there for my boys and me. Always. I watched her parent her boys and I learned to play more and work less. She was always holding a son to read a book, or sitting at the table to make a craft or moving furniture to kick a ball around the living room. She taught me that kids and fun come first. And when her son, Andy, died, she taught me the depths of fear and devastation…nothing like I had as child or a young mother. She taught me that sending a child all the way to China is absolutely nothing compared to sending a child to heaven. She also taught me there are no Mother’s Day cards for moms like her. Someday I have to write one for moms who spend their days doing the “mom” things we all do while gathering up the pieces of a broken heart.
Thanks to my sister-in-law, Carol, who was my mothering mentor. Not really having a mom, I wasn’t sure about this whole motherhood thing and all the decisions that go into discipline and school and medical options. Her three kids are older than mine so I just followed the trail she blazed. And I kept her two parenting questions close to my heart and my mothering philosophy…”Who’s in control here?” Meaning: Don’t let a 6-year-old dictate what will happen at the store or don’t let a 16-year-old talk to you that way. ”How do you want them to be when they are 25 years old?” Meaning: Manners, caring and faith will be more important when they are 25 than math facts, good handwriting and finishing first in a tournament. Choose your battles wisely.
Thanks to Mom Barrons. When I was at her house (so often) I got to be part of normalcy. I got to help clean on Saturdays, (or whatever night she had circle meeting), I got to learn how to make pasties, and I got to watch an amazing, faith-filled mother…mothering her children. She taught me about a typical family and then she taught me her greatest lesson. How children are really borrowed from God. And when your son chooses to do God’s work in a country halfway around the world…you don’t feel sad…you feel blessed. And when they leave it’s okay to mix tears of pride with tears of missing them already. She also taught me the honor of calling someone “mom”. I will always be grateful for that.
Thanks to Joseph Jacques who taught me about strong willed children and how to channel that into academics and sports and fighting for your health. Thank you for not only beating the odds…in typical Joey style you went beyond beating them…you eliminated them. Determination at its best.
Thank you for your immense determination in wanting to be better in all that you do from those extra self-induced practices, to extra credit reports to, to marathon running to the prayers you whisper at mass. Thank you for the privilege of heart to heart talks in a hospital room, on a soccer field, in a NYC apartment and a daily email exchange. We shared thoughts and fears and reflections most moms and sons never even discuss. When you let me peek into that window of your compassionate heart, it helped me be a better mom. Thank you for choosing the most amazing woman to be the mother of your children. What an honor to be “Sheila Mom” to your Addie.
Thank you Timothy Patrick for the world you let me visit that most moms never get to see. In opening my eyes to a different way of thinking, you have opened my heart to be a better mom…a better teacher…a better person. Thank you for entrusting me with your challenges and knowing I feel honored to be the one you share them with. Thank you for your immense faith that is strong enough to lend to me when my faith begins to fail. Thank you for serving God in such a special way. Many moms are probably proud to say their child is a doctor or lawyer or high-powered professional taking the world by storm. I am so proud to say you are missionary taking the world by heart. Thank you for proving the doctors wrong, the counselors wrong and the bishops wrong. Thank you for proving the judgment of humans cannot supercede the will of God. Thank you for proving God right…even half way around the world.
Thank you Adam Thomas for your perseverance. Thank you for never giving up on a ball going out of bounds, a hockey game when you are down 4-0 in the 3rd or any class at any level. Thank you for your compassion in caring for others from pets, to Godsons, to your team as captain, to a family devastated by loss. You give new meaning to being “thoughtful”. And thank you for your sense of humor and proving that a family room is just a room until there is laughter. Your perseverance has helped you make a difference in your own life and your compassion has helped make a difference in many other lives and your silliness has helped me laugh in the face of sadness. Because of you I realize that a mom’s greatest attributes are perseverance (in wanting to do better every day) compassion (understanding and caring about others) and a bit of silliness. Thank you for your great courage in fighting through pain…the pain childhood illnesses, sports injuries and life injuries. The advice you give me when I am struggling with “injuries” is proof enough that it not only takes a village to raise a mom…sometimes it takes a son.
Thank you to Pat Iding…who not only stood beside me as I tried to be a mother, he stood behind me and walked in front of me. He surrounded me with his love so that I could surround our boys with mine.
Mostly…thank you Mary, Mother of God for being the caretaker of the village it has taken to raise this mom. The hours I spend in pray to you have raised me above many adversities and helped me celebrate the true joys of motherhood. I think the greatest comfort a person can have is someone who can say to them “I understand.” So when my mothering heart is worried about a son’s health, a son’s suffering, a son’s journey, a sister’s loss…Mary can speak to my heart and in a powerful way say “I understand”. And some days those are the only words you need to be caretaker of this mother’s village…this mother’s heart.
It’s quite a list…this village. You can tell I need all the help I can get. God knew that before I did. But the Bible says God always provides. He saw a mother who couldn’t do it alone so He provided a whole village. I knew all along children are a gift from God. Turns out the village is quite a gift too. Thank you, God!