Sheila Sims Iding
The older you get the more you know. Experience does that to you. It’s usually a good thing. It’s usually a life lesson learned along the way that sometimes helps you not have to learn other things the hard way. Experience helps you avoid that slap in the face called “real life”. It helps you not be caught off guard. It helps you know when you already know.
Maddy Jo is our Siamese cat. I have almost always had a Siamese cat. There have been very few years (or even months) in my post high school days that I didn’t have a Siamese cat. Their rich brown color, their striking blue eyes and their presence when they walk in a room was always appealing to me. I know what you’re thinking. I know about THAT cry. I know about their aloofness. But they are amazingly beautiful cats. And Maddy Jo was the most beautiful of all.
Maddy Jo was aloof but she had her routine like all cats. Just last week she was able to keep the same daily routines. The routine started early, EARLY, in the morning with Adam as he finished his morning workout. She would hear him open the refrigerator and come running knowing he would open the freezer and give her a bite of ice cream. Then she would find her favorite spots to lounge around all day. She seemed to love that sunny spot in the family room (trying not to be so aloof). In the evening she found a spot next to Adam on the couch. She would end her day on our bed until Joey went to bed and then she would head to his room for the comfort of the night.
This past week her routines slowed and then came to a stop. From experience I already knew what that meant. I already recognized the slow walk, the arched back, the beautiful fur that started to nap together. I recognized the lack of eating, the lack of running to the freezer for morning ice cream and the lack of even trying to get upstairs to go to bed. There was a time when I was younger and less experienced that I might think she would get better. That I might think they could do something to help. But when the vet pressed on her stomach today and Maddy cried in pain…I already knew what they would say. They didn’t have to say tumor, or big, or inoperable. I already knew.
Having been through it with so many cats and other pets I already knew the decision I had to make for Maddy Jo. I will admit, it did catch me a bit off guard as I have always learned to keep some hope in my heart. I hoped for a hurt leg, a dehydration issue or bloodwork that wasn’t quite right….all being treatable. I might have known when we left the house with her this morning that we would not bring her home…but part of me kept some hope.
I was thankful Joey was there with me today because Maddy Jo is most comfortable with him. I was thankful in the waiting room that she purred when we petted her. I was thankful I didn’t have to make the decision alone…even though there was really no decision to make. The tumor had already made the decision for us and the x-ray cemented it. I already knew the decision I had to make. I already knew that Joey would be the one to hold her as he was her comfort. There is not much you can teach a son who is already 30 years old. But today since I had already experienced something that was new to him, I got to teach him how to make a decision from your heart. Then I got to teach him how to “hold” a pet while you let her go. It was damn hard to do. I held Maddy’s sister, Mitty, while she died so…I already knew.