Sheila Sims Iding
The honeymoon is over. And…on top of that…they paved paradise and put up a parking lot. And the “new normal” has taken full effect. Once you leave paradise, you are emerged in the real world. That is where reality slaps you in the face. That where the real giving of one’s self begins. So…now the sacrifice.
When Tim first went to China he found paradise. He didn’t seem to be so misunderstood anymore. For a person who lived in a world of thinking differently…the world he lived in in America wasn’t always paradise. But shortly after he arrived in China for the first time, he was the American with the curly hair and the smile. He was the famous Fr. Brian’s “nephew”. They flocked to him without a worry about his thinking or special ways and for the first time in his life Tim was without a worry of loneliness or wondering about acceptance.
Years of studying theology didn’t matter much here in America. Even the best of friends don’t want to sit around talking about the lost Gospel of Thomas, the lives of the saints or the philosophy of Paul. Friends would talk sports and brands of beer and rehash high school memories but his passion was dormant. So when you get to China and live with an “uncle” who is a priest and you talk theology and pray the office of the hours and attend daily mass…it has to be paradise.
You heard it in his voice, you saw it in his smile and it even jumped from the words of his emails. Mostly, you saw the relief in his eyes…and in his spirit. He was in a place that accepted him for who he was. He was nurtured by his faith. He was driven by his passion. He had friends for lunch, friends for dinner, friends for river walks, park visits and just “visit” visits. For the first time in his Asperger life, he had a multitude of friends, he had acceptance, he had a place to mission his faith. Companions, purpose, worth…all within the vast boundaries of China.
He was “home”. He loved it there. Each and every visit he loved it. Maya Angelou said it best “Home is a healing place.” In China, he recovered from toxic relationships, seminary heartbreaks and career changes. He healed. China was so much a “home” he never really said he missed his true home. He only said he missed us and wished we could come visit.
China was such a home for him, when he would come home to America, he would get antsy to go back “home” to China. The departing airport was never sad for him. Never, ever. He would tolerate my goodbye tears and hugs…but I could feel his eagerness to get to that gate and go home to China…to paradise.
That was Chapter One. Six years of long and short term visits all part of the honeymoon. All part of the paradise. All part of the new life of acceptance, mission, faith, friends and family with Fr. Brian. He had it all. . Brian generously took him into his apartment and friends took them into their hearts. The work was important but it was volunteer. It was important work but it wasn’t a real 8 – 5 job. It wasn’t real demanding. It wasn’t real world.
So when the generous offer came from Fr. Brian to live in China, you can imagine the “engagement” before the honeymoon. It was a timely offer and a purposeful offer. Tim needed what China and Fr. Brian offered him. But China also needed what Tim had to offer with his double masters in theology, his faith and his vocation. It seemed like a marriage made in…well…in paradise. So when he left last August it was the same eagerness to leave…to go “home”. My sadness was buffered by his great excitement that his 5th or 6th (I lose count) trip to China would be “permanent”. You should have seen him packing. No sadness, no tears, no questioning. It was paradise. He was heading “home”.
But this home came with a job…not a volunteer job. Not a day job…but a JOB job. Actually, training for a job. He will teach theology in the seminary in Jilin, China, but first he has to learn the language well enough to be a college professor. I don’t even know English well enough to be a college professor. Tim has to learn the brutal language AND characters AND tones of Chinese well enough to teach at a college level. That is his job. That is his challenge. That is his mission.
He had to leave the paradise of volunteer teaching and enter the real world of a real job. He had to leave the paradise of someone else’s apartment and live alone in his own home far away from his own home. He went from an apartment with an “uncle”, and a cook, and a laundry service to an apartment alone. I mean alone. No mattress, no table and chairs, no sofa. He went from daily mass with a few close friends to praying alone. He went from gallivanting with friends and friends and friends to spending time with tutors and books and studies and studies. He went from the fun of learning a little Chinese for fun to the pressure of a governmental language test. He went from paradise to real world. And it’s NOT a pity party. That is the last thing Tim would want. It’s the new normal. It’s real life. Tim knows that.
Like 30 year old people around the world, he is in the middle of the real world trying to do a job, trying to meet the expectations of a boss, trying to furnish a home, trying to make his way…to make his way in a country where he fights loneliness, culture shock (Fr. Brian warned him), anti-Americanism and communist ways…not to mention his battles with the food.
He realizes the amazing opportunity Maryknoll has given him and he hopes Maryknoll realizes the opportunities he will give back. That’s part of the stress. He wants so much to give back.
So when he went back to China last week to start his second year of living there, the plane ticket had the same destination but it was not the same place. It wasn’t paradise anymore. It’s intense studies, it’s alone…again, it’s the threat of spies, it’s loss of relationships of some, loss of respect of others, loss of time off with friends, loss of prayer partners and even the loss of a place to rest his weary soul (until he goes mattress shopping tomorrow.) Again…not a bad thing or a sad thing…just a real world thing. Just as it should be.
The mere mention of China used to bring a quick smile to his face, sense of relief you could see in his soul and quick steps through an airport just to get back “home”. Now, there is an uncertain smile, a tension to fulfill obligations and a desperate effort to earn respect. He still loves China. That part hasn’t changed. He is fully committed to years of service there. That part hasn’t changed either.
It’s just that the honeymoon of Chapter One is over. Paradise is paved. In true Tim fashion, when I asked him last week if it was hard to go back, he said yes but he was glad it was hard. The other times were so joyful, he said they seemed like they were for selfishly for him. Now…going back it seems like it is more for God. Now…the challenges make his vocation more purposeful. Now…instead of offering up time in paradise, he can offer up his culture struggles to doing God’s work. Now…the mission. Now…Chapter Two. Now...the sacrifice.