This is a combined writing activity - We had to remember "firsts" and "lasts" that we had been through. The first time you did something and the last time you did something. I remember the last time I saw my nephew's face and combined it with the
memoir writing we had to do.
Memoirs – I knew this writing activity was going to be hard. Right when they said it is from your memory of your life or someone’s life that you are close to…I knew then I would write about Andy. Below is the writing prompt we got and it is followed by my story…My Memoir of my nephew…my friend.
Memoir – a written series of events written by a person having intimate knowledge of the events based on personal memory.
Why do people write memoirs –
To tell a person’s story to others…and, more importantly, to tell the story to themselves.
To help make clear how things happened in their life and why.
Andrew David, Andy, Drewbs
A Memoir of My Nephew…My Friend
Sheila Sims Iding (Aunt Smickmee)
Andrew David - A ten pound baby! WOW! When a 10-pound baby is born you don’t have to wonder if he is healthy. You just kind of know. When that 10-pound baby has a head full of fuzzy black hair, you don’t have to wonder if he will be cute. You just know. So it was when my nephew was born. Andrew David. The name was strong and seemed to fit this beautiful, healthy baby boy. Even at 10 pounds, when it’s been 2 years since there has been a newborn baby in the family, he looked tiny and fragile and special. You fell in love with him the minute…no…the second…you held him. Thank you Andrew David for coming into the world in such an amazing way.
Andy – As he grew his name went from strong to cute…just like the toddler he was. There may have been busier babies and there may have been stronger babies, but his combination of busy and strong was an attention grabber from the time he could first move. We heard the name Andy often. Andy..be careful. Andy..stop that. Andy…put that down. No..Andy…not that!
Andy became a household name because it was said about the house all the time and the house could not hold this busy, curious toddler.
Andy Gauthier – The last name was always part of his title but now that he was in school and in sports the Gauthier part became more connected. It was on a class list every year. It was the name I used to check in at the school office when I would go read in his class. It was the name the principal called when Andy had overstepped some rule again. It was also part of his sports life. On the soccer roster, the baseball line up and the back of his hockey jersey. Such a little hockey guy that the 8-letter named G-A-U-T-H-I-E-R barely fit across his shoulders.
Drewbs – By now he had many names. Some people called him Andy. Some called him Andrew. Others called him Drew. Somehow…and I am not sure how…he became Drewbs to me. He would call me Aunt Smickmee (apparently Aunt Sheila is too hard to say when you little) so I became Aunt Smickmee to Andy and his older brother Michael. If I had a nickname then they had a nickname too. Mike became Mikes and so Drew would become Drewbs. It made sense to us and that is all that matters. I loved it because he signed his cards that way and I love it because when I would watch him play sports and cheer “Way to Go Drewbs!”, he knew exactly who was cheering him on.
Gauth – This name was given to him in high school by his buddies…both academic and sports buddies. Gauthier got shortened to Gauth and that became his newest name. It may be the one he liked best because it was used most often for hockey and golf and it connected teammates with a name that no one else usually used for him. Gauth. Gauth was an amazing high school athlete. He played golf and hockey. He was on the state championship golf team and captain of his high school hockey team. He made all-star teams like they were regular rosters…his name just appearing on them. He was 6’2” and a big strong, defender in hockey. He loved a great hit to the boards in the corner and I think he secretly liked that skate to the penalty box. His tenacious play sometimes got the best of him but after arguing with the ref a bit, he would wear this shit-eating grin all the way to the penalty box. This strong massive hockey guy who was so tough on the ice, had a heart that would melt faster than an outdoor rink in summer. I saw him cradle stray kittens, sit with teammates who were injured, shake the hands of opposing team captains (after a loss) and cry for his friend who had a brain hemorrhage. The caring, gentle heart was an easily seen as his tall, strong frame. He wore it on his sleeve (except for in the corners of that rink.)
Andrew Gauthier – Now in college and in real hockey hoping to work up each level, his name was listed as Andrew Gauthier. That is the name they use to announce him as he started the games. “Starting on defense #2 Andrew Gauthier” Big strong, tenacious defenseman. #2. Don’t mess with him. He was on a mission to become the best hockey player he could. He had a mission, a dream and a wicked slap shot from defense. It had “Gauthier” on the back of his jersey and his teammates call him “Gauth” but now it was Andrew Gauthier as he was announced. To me he was still “Drewbs”. In fact for a writing class he had to write a paper about his hero and he wrote a paper about me. Really? His silly, chubby Aunt Smickmee. He told me about the paper because he needed a picture of us together before turning it in. So the next family gathering we took that picture and I can still feel his hugs. He had the best hugs and he was so much taller than me my face ended up square in his armpit. We laughed about that. Still touched by the newly acclaimed honor, I asked him if I could read the paper he wrote and he said he wanted to read it to me. So I told him I would buy him dinner and he could read his paper. Yea! A dinner date with Drewbs. Can’t wait.
Andrew David Gauthier – No one called him that. Not all three names together. There was Andy, Drew, Andrew, Gauth…maybe even an occasional “Andrew David” if he was in trouble at home but never all three names. Sure they were on his birthday certificate but no one ever said Andrew David Gauthier…until now. It was the first thing I thought of when I saw the obituary. Andrew David Gauthier. He had died suddenly at age 19 in his bedroom on a Saturday after not feeling so good that day. Turns out his heart gave out like it does for other athletes that you only heard about on the news. Now it wasn’t news. It was real life. The autopsy said his heart was enlarged. No kidding. I knew he had a big heart. I saw him hold that stray kitten. I saw him cry for his sick friend.
At the funeral, his parents asked me to give the eulogy. When your sister asks you to give the speech (I hate the word eulogy.) for her son…you don’t say no. You say sure and then you wonder what the hell you are going to say and, even more, how you are ever going to find the strength to say it.
Well I believe God always provides and the words turned out to be easy because I wrote Andy (Drewbs) a thank you letter. You see he was way more than just a nephew. He and Mikes would spend the summers at our house (one of the perks of being a teacher) so he was family. When he got older, we would spend time late at night chatting online, we became friends. So that day I lost way more than a nephew. I lost a friend who was almost like a son to me…and my sons lost a cousin who was almost like a brother to them. Even though he was only 19 we had a lot of life together. My dad had always taught me when someone gives you something…especially something you treasure, make sure you send a thank you letter. So…since Andy had given me so many treasured moments and memories…I wrote him a thank you letter.
I thanked him for being such a strong healthy baby. I thanked him for being a great athlete and that tap on the glass he would give me as I stood in the corner of the hockey rink. I thanked him for his great manners, big hugs, and that big heart. I thank him for so much more. As I was reading the thank you letter I realized as I turned each page that at some point the “speech” would be over. Then it dawned on me. When I finished the letter the funeral would be over and they would close the casket and I wouldn’t see his face on this earth again. That is when turning the pages became crippling. The words were crippling enough but I felt responsible to do it without crying as it was my last gift to Andy. A “speech” is never meaningful if you are crying so hard they can’t hear the words or know the deep appreciation of a thank you letter. So my husband Pat stood with me to give me strength (and I think Drewbs was holding me up) and I delivered this special gift to Andy and his family. Still, as I turned the last page I thought my knees would buckle from weakness because I didn’t want to lose sight of his beautiful face. And if I never finished…we could just all stay there forever.
But I knew better so I carefully read the end of the thank you, which was thanking him for being a Christian and knowing God. Lastly, I thank him for knowing that Jesus gathers the lambs safe in His arms and carries them home. I thanked him for being safely home. And then I ran out of pages. I ran out of words. So all I could say was I will miss you always and I love you, Drewbs.
Oh yeah, Drewbs, you still owe me that dinner. Until we meet again (and I see your beautiful face), may God hold you in the palm of His hand.